Why I don’t have a Twitterfeed…an example.

LADY FROM POST OFFICE: Are you pregnant?
ME: I dyed my hair.
LADY FROM POST OFFICE: Well I knew something was different.
ME:…

Sigh.

So, somebody tell me what to do to make this happen: http://featuresblogs.chicagotribune.com/theskyline/2009/02/the-conventional-wisdom-forming-about-barack-obamas-infrastructure-investment-is-that-it-will-take-care-of-small-stuff–filli.html

Also, get a load of the web address. I mean, Tribune, you don’t have to type the first entire sentence….

Anyhoo, last night I planned to do large amounts of laundry, clean a bit, knit a lot and generally get things done I had put aside during my trip to Ohio. Instead, I forgot my keys, went to Pay Half while I waited for Will to get home, bought a couple shirts, talked to a computer tech who liked my cats and really impressed me by picking up my sad sad computer. Then I made mulligatawny and watched the Pres. And maybe…just maybe…spoon fed a cat baby food. Oh my god. Delete delete delete. Except I don’t delete. I post. I have this encompassing need to remain honest.

I just ate what I thought was a cinnamon muffin, but turned out to be a walnut muffin and now I think I might be allergic to it. Eeeee.

This is why I don’t have a Twitter feed.

What I need is a personal assistant. I’ve been campaigning for this for years but no one has applied. I’m hoping with the current economic situation, people are rethinking their priorities and looking for more experience rather than wealth. If that sounds like, you, well pull up a chair. Being my personal assistant is a hard job, but hardly thankless, as I like to say. First of all, you won’t have to cook. I like doing that. Although I will make you an apron just so we coordinate. But I get ahead of myself. You see, I’m an idea girl. I come up with them faster than I can write them down, and sometimes I can’t read what I wrote. For example, in my ongoing list of Things I Might Want to Do there are a few items that read something like “satv quil, will’s guilt (that can’t be right), download breathe, D Check scribble lists to dunlist, Indian Food and Fab (this has to involve Carol), Crewel World, Patry fixed, Systematic Daily One Drawer (which, while readable, still unintelligible), also “get cat toothbrush.” Anyway, it would be your job to help me figure out what I meant by these items. If in fact what I meant was “Get a cat toothbrush,” then it would be your job to call my psychiatrist and get an appoinment for me.

I’ll do things like make the bed and laundry and stuff. Mainly I just need you to schedule me and tell me where to go and what to do. No, this job doesn’t pay, but the networking opportunities are endless and I will write you one great recommendation letter.

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3 thoughts on “Why I don’t have a Twitterfeed…an example.

  1. See…here we go complimenting each other all over the place again. I am extremely organized, you need an assistant. You are extremely practical, I need a nanny. You need a schedule you can read, I need a breakfast that isn’t diet coke and peanut butter. That’s it…I’m moving in. Poor Will. Remember the time he called up harpies?!?

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