Disenchanted, ladylike gem

Well, while traipsing about the Internet I discovered this: http://download.cnet.com/Victoria-Clothes-Organizer/3000-2124_4-10588418.html. It’s a computer program to organize your clothes. Like on CLUELESS! I have dreamed of this since I saw the movie for the first time. I shall be downloading.

Meanwhile, my essential oil love affair has centered itself squarely in the perfume aisle for the time being. I have a very long list of perfumes I want to sample. In that after smelling 5- 10 perfumes, your nose kind of wears out, far be it from me to suffer “Trop de bouquet” (translation credit to my partner in all things glamorous and rare, Ms. Leslie Frame.) I’m planning several different perfume sniffin’ outings. Sephora and Nordstrom will be my brick and mortar destinations. Macy’s, pardon my low English, SUCKS when it comes to perfume shopping. In fact, I may write a terse letter explaining to them why, even though the State street store is more convenient for me to visit, I shall be taking my perfume shopping business to Nordstrom. The selection is better, and they will give you a sample. If you’re super nice they will decant one for you.
Perfume is a commitment. Olfactorily speaking, it’s your first and last impression on the people you meet. It really and truly does say something about you. Chemically it smells different on you than on anyone else. I’m not going to take one whiff of Britney Spears Curious and then purchase it. Well, that’s mainly becuase it smells like a slutty version of sweetarts, but you know what I mean. Perfume requires a date. You have to know what it smells like now, in a half hour, an hour and three hours from now. I mean, Shalimar smells like four different perfumes if you treat it that way. PLUS the eau de toilette and eau de parfum can be completely different formulations and that’s just Chanel no. 5!

Sigh.

MEANWHILE, all the classic scents have become little holy grails of parfum. AND if you traipse yourself over to the Dior or Estee Lauder counter, the salesgirls have the nerve to explain to you that Dune and Youth Dew, respectively, are old.

Yes I know.

ME: “I’d like a sample of Youth Dew, please.”
ESTEE LAUDE ASSOCIATE: “OOhh..I don’t think we have a sample of Youth Dew.
ESTEE LAUDER MANAGER: Can I help you?
ME: I’d like a sample of Youth Dew, please.
ESTEE LAUDER MANAGER: (surprised) Oh…well I don’t have a sample. I can give you a schpritz?
ME: Okay.
We travel to the far reaches, the barely lit “old lady perfume section” where she retrieves a bottle of Youth Dew.
ESTEE LAUDER MANAGER: Youth Dew is…Who are you buying this for?
ME: Well, I have this book of classic perfumes…
ESTEE LAUDER MANAGER: OHhhOOOOH
ME: (Smelling the card) Hmmm…Lots of aldehydes.
ESTEE LAUDER MANAGER: (Faux impressed) Ohh hoo!
ME: Well, thank you.

I wasn’t trying to impress her. What I meant was, “Wow, I forgot how similar to No. 5 Youth Dew is.”

Can’t we have nice things? I’m just going to go curl up with my bottle of Shalimar and have it lull me into luxurious sleep.

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