I say I haven’t blogged in a month. That’s not entirely true. I have blogged. I just haven’t posted. Usually, this is because the posts I write aren’t fully formed. Or they may contain more vitriol than a subject is due. Or they are incomprehensibly weird and belong in a journal, not online. There are myriad reasons a post doesn’t make it past my publishing gate.
At present, I’m working on a writing project, and in the quest for material I went searching through some old unposted writing. This particular piece that follows has absolutely nothing to do with anything and I’m sure I probably won’t use it in the future. Just a little slice of life around the Coquetteaway.
I bought a book called Get Organized Now! but that doesn’t really matter. The point is I’ve been going through lots of crap including cassettes of Milli Vanilli and Arrested Development…as in “Mr. Wendell” not Mr. Bateman.
But FINALLY I managed to sort through it all, rip most of my cd’s that friends had burned for me, etc. and I triumphantly put away my albums in our guest room…where the albums go.
Me: (sniffing the air) Did you boil an egg?
Me: (coming out of the guest room) I said Did you boil an egg?
Will: (incredulously) No.
Me: Did you poot?
Me: (looking back into the guest room) Well, then…something is rough in there.
Will: Are my boots in there?
Me: Do they smell like boiled eggs?
Will: I don’t know.
Me: You know you always stink up that room somehow. (Pause) We need to get you a Transmogrifier…like Calvin has.
Will: To turn me into what?
Me: A cleaner Will.
Will: Hmmm…that would be really convenient.
Me: Yeah! We need like a decontamination chamber for you when you get home from work.
Me: Like a clean machine.
Will: (dreamily) yeah…
Me: Wait. We do have one.
Will: We do?
Me: It’s called a shower.
Will: I shower.